Finding the Light

As I sit here and think about things, a lot of things become a little clearer. I have lived in hell for the last 19 years. I have put up with a lot of shit and I’m still here. A funny story about him tonight was he said he was changing in the last 2 months and I said how? Well, I have but I don’t want to put up with this anymore. I just had to laugh. Two months I thought to myself. I have gone through hell for 19 years. So, in my head a woman must go through so much, but a man gets to choose when he wants to stop.

There are a lot of days I wish I wasn’t here. It started when I just started dating him. His mother and grandmother hated me. One reason is because he would be much better with a girl from church. After we got married shit was still happening. After I had my daughter, his mother got her DNA tested to make sure it was his. Since I was bipolar and went to the doctors for it, she said if I ever left, she was going to get custody of her because now I have a paper trail.

Just to let you know, it never stopped. I have never been chosen in this relationship. I’m not really sure what it would even feel like to be chosen. I will never understand what I did wrong in my life and probably never will.